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Gentlemen Prefer Blondes: A Critical Edition

Rudolph Valentino

Rudolph Valentino was a Hollywood Actor from Italy known for his good looks and casting in various "Latin lover" roles.

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Chapter Four
PARIS IS DEVINE

April 27th:
   Paris is devine. I mean Dorothy and I got to Paris yesterday, and it really is devine. Because the French are devine. Because when we were coming off the boat, and we were coming through the customs, it was quite hot and it seemed to smell quite a lot and all the French gentlemen in the customs, were squealing quite a lot. So I looked around and I picked out a French gentleman who was really in a very gorgeous uniform and he seemed to be a very, very important gentleman and I gave him twenty francs worth of French money and he was very very gallant and he knocked everybody else down and took our bags right through the custom. Because I really think that twenty Francs is quite cheap for a gentleman that has got on at least $100 worth of gold braid on his coat alone, to speak nothing of his trousers.
   I mean the French gentlemen always seem to be squealing quite a lot, especially taxi drivers when they only get a small size yellow dime called a ‘fifty santeems’ for a tip. But the good thing about French gentlemen is that every time a French gentleman starts in to squeal, you can always stop him with five francs, no matter who he is. I mean it is so refreshing to listen to a French gentleman stop squeaking, that it would really be quite a bargain even for ten francs.
   So we came to the Ritz Hotel and the Ritz Hotel is devine. Because when a girl can sit in a delightful bar and have delicious champagne cocktails and look at all the important French people in Paris, I think it is devine. I mean when a girl can sit there and look at the Dolly sisters and Pearl White and Maybelle Gilman Corey, and Mrs. Nash, it is beyond worlds. Because when a girl looks at Mrs. Nash and realizes what Mrs. Nash has got out of gentlemen, it really makes a girl hold her breath.
   And when a girl walks around and reads all of the signs with all of the famous historical names it really makes you hold your breath. Because when Dorothy and I went on a walk, we only walked a few blocks but in only a few blocks we read all of the famous historical names, like Coty and Cartier and I knew we were seeing something educational at last and our whole trip was not a failure. I mean I really try to make Dorothy get educated and have reverance. So when we stood at the corner of a place called the Place Vandome, if you turn your back on a monument they have in the middle and look up, you can see none other than Coty’s sign. So I said to Dorothy, does it not really give you a thrill to realize that that is the historical spot where Mr. Coty makes all the perfume? So then Dorothy said that she supposed Mr. Coty came to Paris and he smelled Paris and he realized that something had to be done. So Dorothy will really never have any reverance.
   So then we saw a jewelry store and we saw some jewelry in the window and it really seemed to be a very very great bargain but the price marks all had francs on them and Dorothy and I do not seem to be mathematical enough to tell how much francs is in money. So we went in and asked and it seems it was only 20 dollars and it seems it is not diamonds but it is a thing called “paste” which is the name of a word which means imitations. So Dorothy said “paste” is the name of the word a girl ought to do to a gentleman that handed her one. I mean I would really be embarrassed, but the gentleman did not seem to understand Dorothy’s english.
   So it really makes a girl feel depressed to think a girl could not tell that it was nothing but an imitation. I mean a gentleman could deceeve a girl because he could give her a present and it would only be worth 20 dollars. So when Mr. Eisman comes to Paris next week, if he wants to make me a present I will make him take me along with him because he is really quite an inveteran bargain hunter at heart. So the gentleman at the jewelry store said that quite a lot of famous girls in Paris had imitations of all their jewelry and they put the jewelry in the safe and they really wore the imitations, so they could wear it and have a good time. But I told him I thought that any girl who was a lady would not even think of having such a good time that she did not remember to hang on to her jewelry.
   So then we went back to the Ritz and unpacked our trunks with the aid of really a delightful waiter who brought us up some delicious luncheon and who is called Leon and who speaks english almost like an American and who Dorothy and I talk to quite a lot. So Leon said that we ought not to stay around the Ritz all of the time, but we really ought to see Paris. So Dorothy said she would go down in the lobby and meet some gentleman to show us Paris. So in a couple of minutes she called up on the telephone from the lobby and she said “I have got a French bird down here who is a French title nobleman, who is called a veecount so come on down.” So I said “How did a Frenchman get into the Ritz.” So Dorothy said “He came in to get out of the rain and he has not noticed that it is stopped.” So I said “I suppose you have picked up something without taxi fare as usual. Why did you not get an American gentleman who always have money?” So Dorothy said she thought a French gentleman had ought to know Paris better. So I said “He does not even know it is not raining.” But I went down.
   So the veecount was really delightful after all. So then we rode around and we saw Paris and we saw how devine it really is. I mean the Eyefull Tower is devine and it is much more educational than the London Tower, because you can not even see the London Tower if you happen to be two blocks away. But when a girl looks at the Eyefull Tower she really knows she is looking at something. So I suppose that is the real historical reason why they call it the Eyefull Tower.
   So then we went to a place called the Madrid to tea and it really was devine. I mean we saw the Dolley Sisters and Pearl White and Mrs. Corey and Mrs. Nash all over again.
   So then we went to dinner and then we went to Momart and it really was devine because we saw them all over again. I mean in Momart they have genuine American jazz bands and quite a lot of New York people which we knew and you really would think you were in New York and it was devine. So we came back to the Ritz quite late. So Dorothy and I had quite a little quarrel because Dorothy said that when we were looking at Paris I asked the French veecount what was the name of the unknown soldier who is buried under quite a large monument. So I said I really did not mean to ask him, if I did, because what I did mean to ask him was, what was the name of his mother because it is always the mother of a dead soldier that I always seem to think about more than the dead soldier that has died.
   So the French veecount is going to call up in the morning but I am not going to see him again. Because French gentlemen are really quite deceeving. I mean they take you to quite cute places and they make you feel quite good about yourself and you really seem to have a delightful time but when you get home and come to think it all over, all you have got is a fan that only cost 20 francs and a doll that they gave you away for nothing in a restaurant. I mean a girl has to look out in Paris, or she would have such a good time in Paris that she would not get anywheres. So I really think that American gentlemen are the best after all, because kissing your hand may make you feel very very good but a diamond and safire bracelet lasts forever. Besides, I do not think that I ought to go out with any gentlemen in Paris because Mr. Eisman will be here next week and he told me that the only kind of gentlemen he wants me to go out with are intelectual gentlemen who are good for a girls brains. So I really do not seem to see many gentlemen around the Ritz who seem to look like they would be good for a girl’s brains. So tomorrow we are going to go shopping and I suppose it would really be to much to expect to find a gentleman who would look to Mr. Eisman like he was good for a girls brains and at the same time he would like to take us shopping.
April 29th:
   Yesterday was quite a day. I mean Dorothy and I were getting ready to go shopping and the telephone rang and they said that Lady Francis Beekman was down stairs and she wanted to come up stairs. So I really was quite surprised. I mean I did not know what to say, so I said all right. So then I told Dorothy and then we put our brains together. Because it seems that Lady Francis Beekman is the wife of the gentleman called Sir Francis Beekman who was the admirer of mine in London who seemed to admire me so much that he asked me if he could make me a present of a diamond tiara. So it seemed as if his wife must have heard about it, and it really seemed as if she must have come clear over from London about it. So there was a very very loud knock at the door so we asked her to come in. So Lady Francis Beekman came in and she is a quite large size lady who seems to resemble Bill Hart quite a lot. I mean Dorothy thinks that Lady Francis Beeckman resembles Bill Hart quite a lot, only she really thinks she looks more like Bill Hart’s horse. So it seems that she said that if I did not give her back the diamond tiara right away, she would make quite a fuss and she would ruin my reputation. Because she said that something really must be wrong about the whole thing. Because it seems that Sir Francis Beekman and she have been married for 35 years and the last present he gave to her was a wedding ring. So Dorothy spoke up and she said “Lady you could no more ruin my girl friends reputation than you could sink the Jewish fleet.” I mean I was quite proud of Dorothy the way she stood up for my reputation. Because I really think that there is nothing so wonderful as two girls when they stand up for each other and help each other a lot. Because no matter how vigarous Lady Francis Beekman seems to be, she had to realize that she could not sink a whole fleet full of ships. So she had to stop talking against my reputation.
   So then she said she would drag it into the court and she would say that it was undue influence. So I said to her, “If you wear that hat into a court, we will see if the judge thinks it took an undue influence to make Sir Francis Beekman look at a girl.” So then Dorothy spoke up and Dorothy said “My girl friend is right, Lady. You have got to be the Queen of England to get away with a hat like that.” So Lady Francis Beekman seemed to get quite angry. So then she said she would send for Sir Francis Beekman where he suddenly went to Scotland, to go hunting when he found out that Lady Francis Beekman had found out. So Dorothy said “Do you mean that you have left Sir Francis Beekman loose with all those spendthrifts down in Scotland?” So Dorothy said she would better look out or he would get together with the boys some night and simply massacre a haypenny. I mean I always encouradge Dorothy to talk quite a lot when we are talking to unrefined people like Lady Francis Beekman, because Dorothy speaks their own languadge to unrefined people better than a refined girl like I. So Dorothy said, “You had better not send for Sir Francis Beekman because if my girl friend really wanted to turn loose on Sir Francis Beekman, all he would have left would be his title.” So then I spoke right up and said Yes that I was an American girl and we American girls do not care about a title because we American girls always say that what is good enough for Washington is good enough for us. So Lady Francis Beekman really seemed to get more angry and more angry all of the time.
   So then she said that if it was necessary, she would tell the judge that Sir Francis Beekman went out of his mind when he gave it to me. So Dorothy said “Lady, if you go into a court and if the judge gets a good look at you, he will think that Sir Francis Beekman was out of his mind 35 years ago.” So then Lady Francis Beekman said she knew what kind of a person she had to deal with and she would not deal with any such a person because she said it hurt her dignity. So Dorothy said “Lady, if we hurt your dignity like you hurt our eyesight I hope for your sake, you are a Christian science.” So that seemed to make Lady Francis Beekman angry. So she said she would turn it all over to her soliciter. So when she went out she tripped over quite a long train which she had on her skirt and she nearly fell down. So Dorothy leaned out of the door and Dorothy called down the hall and said, “Take a tuck in that skirt Isabel, its 1925.” So I really felt quite depressed because I felt as if our whole morning was really very unrefined just because we had to mix with such an unrefined lady as Lady Francis Beekman.

April 30th:
   So sure enough yesterday morning Lady Francis Beekman’s solicitor came. Only he really was not a solicitor, but his name was on a card and it seems his name is Mons. Broussard and it seems that he is an advocat because an advocat is a lawyer in the French landguage. So Dorothy and I were getting dressed and we were in our negligay as usual when there was quite a loud knock on the door and before we could even say come in he jumped right into the room. So it seems that he is of French extraction. I mean Lady Francis Beekman’s solicitor can really squeal just like a taxi driver. I mean he was squealing quite loud when he jumped into the room and he kept right on squealing. So Dorothy and I rushed into the parlor and Dorothy looked at him and Dorothy said, “This town has got to stop playing jokes on us every morning” because our nerves could not stand it. So Mons. Broussard handed us his card and he squealed and squealed and he really waved his arms in the air quite a lot. So Dorothy said He gives quite a good imitation of the Moulan Rouge, which is really a red wind mill, only Dorothy said he makes more noise and he runs on his own wind. So we stood and watched him for quite a long while, but he seemed to get quite monotonous after quite a long while because he was always talking in French, which really means nothing to us. So Dorothy said “Lets see if 25 francs will stop him, because if 5 francs will stop a taxi driver, 25 francs ought to stop an advocat.” Because he was making about 5 times as much noise as a taxi driver and 5 times 5 is 25. So as soon as he heard us start in to talk about francs he seemed to calm down quite a little. So Dorothy got her pocket book and she gave him 25 francs. So then he stopped squealing and he put it in his pocket, but then he got out quite a large size handkerchief with purple elefants on it and he started in to cry. So Dorothy really got discouraged and she said. “Look here, you have given us a quite an amusing morning but if you keep that up much longer, wet or dry, out you go.”
   So then he started in to pointing at the telephone and he seemed to want to use the telephone and Dorothy said, “If you think you can get a number over that thing, go to it, but as far as we have found out, it is a wall bracket.” So then he started in to telephone so Dorothy and I went about our business to get dressed. So when he finished telephoning he kept running to my door and then he kept running to Dorothy’s door, and he kept on crying and talking a lot, but he seemed to have lost all of his novelty to us so we paid no more attention to him.
   So finally there was another loud knock on the door so we heard him rush to the door so we both went in to the parlor to see what it was and it really was a sight. Because it was another Frenchman. So the new Frenchman rushed in and he yelled Papa and he kissed him. So it seems that it was his son because his son is really his papa’s partner in the advocat business. So then his papa talked quite a lot and then he pointed at I and Dorothy. So then his son looked at us and then his son let out quite a large size squeal, and he said in French “May papa, elles sont sharmant.” So it seems he was telling his papa in French that we were really charming. So then Mons. Broussard stopped crying and put on his glasses and took a good look at us. So then his son put up the window shade, so his papa could get a better look at us. So when his papa had finished looking at us he really became delighted. So he became all smiles and he pinched our cheeks and he kept on saying Sharmant all of the time because Sharmant means charming in the French languadge. So then his son broke right out into english and he really speaks english as good as an American. So then he told us his papa telephoned for him to come over because we did not seem to understand what his papa was saying to us. So it seems that Mons. Broussard had been talking to us in english all of the time but we did not seem to understand his kind of english. So Dorothy said, “If what your papa was talking in was english, I could get a gold medal for my greek.” So then his son told his papa and his papa laughed very very loud and he pinched Dorothys cheek and he was very delighted even if the joke was on him. So then Dorothy and I asked his son what he was saying, when he was talking to us in english and his son said he was telling us all about his client, Lady Francis Beekman. So then we asked his son why his papa kept crying. So then his son said his papa kept crying because he was thinking about Lady Francis Beekman. So Dorothy said, “If he cries when he thinks about her, what does he do when he looks at her?” So then his son explained to his papa what Dorothy said. So then Mons. Broussard laughed very very loud, so then he kissed Dorothy’s hand, so he said, after that, we would all really have to have a bottle of champagne. So he went to the telephone and ordered a bottle of champagne.
   So then his son said to his papa, “Why do we not ask the charming ladies to go out to Fountainblo to-day.” So his papa said it would be charming. So then I said, “How are we going to tell you gentlemen apart, because if it is the same in Paris as it is in America, you would both seem to be Monshure Broussard. So then we got the idea to call them by their first name. So it seems that his son’s name is Louie so Dorothy spoke up and said, “I hear that they number all of you Louies over here in Paris.” Because a girl is always hearing some one talk about Louie the sixteenth who seemed to be in the anteek furniture business. I mean I was surprised to hear Dorothy get so historical so she may really be getting educated in spite of everything. But Dorothy told Louie he need not try to figure out his number because she got it the minute she looked at him. So it seems his papa’s name is Robber, which means Robert in French. So Dorothy started in to think about her 25 francs and she said to Robber, “Your mother certainly knew her grammer when she called you that.”
   So Dorothy said we might as well go out to Fountainblo with Louie and Robber if Louie would take off his yellow spats that were made out of yellow shammy skin with pink pearl buttons. Because Dorothy said, “Fun is fun but no girl wants to laugh all of the time.” So Louie is really always anxious to please, so he took off his spats but when he took off his spats, we saw his socks and when we saw his socks we saw that they were Scotch plaid with small size rainbows running through them. So Dorothy looked at them a little while and she really became quite discouraged and she said, “Well Louie, I think you had better put your spats back on."
   So then Leon, our friend who is the waiter, came in with the bottle of champagne. So while he was opening the bottle of champagne Louie and Robber talked together in French quite a lot and I really think I had ought to find out what they said in French because it might be about the diamond tiara. Because French gentlemen are very very gallant, but I really do not think a girl can trust one of them around a corner. So, when I get a chance, I am going to ask Leon what they said.
   So then we went to Fountainblo and then we went to Momart and we got home very late, and we really had quite a delightful day and night, even if we did not go out shopping and buy anything. But I really think we ought to do more shopping because shopping really seems to be what Paris is principaly for.

May 1st:
   Well this morning I sent for Leon, who is Dorothy and my waiter friend, and I asked him what Louie and Robber said in French. So it seems that they said in French that we seemed to attract them very very much because they really thought that we were very very charming, and they had not met girls that were so charming in quite a long time. So it seems that they said that they would ask us out a lot and that they would charge up all the bills to Lady Francis Beekman because they would watch for their chance and they would steal the diamond tiara. So then they said that even if they could not steal it from us, we were really so charming that it would be delightful to go around with us, even if they could not steal from us. So no matter what happens they really could not lose. Because it seems that Lady Francis Beekman would be glad to pay all the bills when they told her they had to take us out a lot so they could watch for their chance and steal it. Because Lady Francis Beekman is the kind of a wealthy lady that does not spend money on anything else but she will always spend money on a law suit. And she really would not mind spending the money because it seems that something either I or Dorothy said to Lady Francis Beekman seemed to make her angry.
   So then I decided it was time to do some thinking and I really thought quite a lot. So I told Dorothy I thought I would put the real diamond tiara in the safe at the Ritz and then I would buy an imitation of a diamond tiara at the jewelry store that has the imitations that are called paste. So then I would leave the imitation of the diamond tiara lying around, so Louie and Robber could see how careless I seem to be with it so then they would get full of encouradgement. So when we go out with Louie and Robber I could put it in my hand bag and I could take it with me so Louie and Robber could always feel that the diamond tiara was within reach. So then Dorothy and I could get them to go shopping and we could get them to spend quite a lot and every time they seemed to get discouradged, I could open my hand bag, and let them get a glimpse of the imitation of a diamond tiara and they would become more encouradged and then they would spend some more money. Because I even might let them steal it at the last, because they were really charming gentlemen after all and I really would like to help Louie and Robber. I mean it would be quite amusing for them to steal it for Lady Francis Beekman and she would have to pay them quite a lot and then she would find out it was only made out of paste after all. Because Lady Francis Beekman has never seen the real diamond tiara and the imitation of a diamond tiara would really deceive her, at least until Louie and Robber got all of their money for all of the hard work they did. I mean the imitation of a diamond tiara would only cost about 65 dollars and what is 65 dollars if Dorothy and I could do some delightful shopping and get some delightful presents that would even seem more delightful when we stopped to realize that Lady Francis Beekman paid for them. And it would teach Lady Francis Beekman a lesson not to say what she said to two American girls like I and Dorothy, who were all alone in Paris and had no gentleman to protect them.
   So when I got through telling Dorothy what I thought up, Dorothy looked at me and looked at me and she really said she thought my brains were a miracle. I mean she said my brains reminded her of a radio because you listen to it for days and days and you get discouradged and just when you are getting ready to smash it, something comes out that is a masterpiece.
   So then Louie called us up so Dorothy told him that we thought it would be delightful if he and Robber would take us out shopping tomorrow morning. So then Louie asked his papa and his papa said they would. So then they asked us if we would like to go to see a play called The Foley Bergere tonight. So he said that all of the French people who live in Paris are always delighted to have some Americans, so it will give them an excuse to go to the Foley Bergere. So we said we would go. So now Dorothy and I are going out shopping to buy the imitation of a diamond tiara and we are going out window shopping to pick out where we would like Louie and Robber to take us shopping tomorrow.
   So I really think that everything always works out for the best. Because after all, we really need some gentlemen to take us around until Mr. Eisman gets to Paris and we could not go around with any really attractive gentlemen because Mr. Eisman only wants me to go out with gentlemen that have brains. So I said to Dorothy that, even if Louie and Robber do not look so full of brains, we could tell Mr. Eisman that all we were learning from them was French. So even if I have not seemed to learn French yet, I have really almost learned to understand Robbers english so when Robber talks in front of Mr. Eisman and I seem to understand what he is saying, Mr. Eisman will probably think I know French.

May 2nd:
   So last night we went to the Foley Bergere and it really was devine. I mean it was very very artistic because it had girls in it that were in the nude. So one of the girls was a friend of Louie and he said that she was a very very nice girl, and that she was only 18 years of age. So Dorothy said, “She is slipping it over on you Louie, because how could a girl get such dirty knees in only 18 years?” So Louie and Robber really laughed very very loud. I mean Dorothy was very unrefined at the Foley Bergere. But I always think that when girls are in the nude it is very artistic and if you have artistic thoughts you think it is beautiful and I really would not laugh in an artistic place like the Foley Bergere.
   So I wore the imitation of a diamond tiara to the Foley Bergere. I mean it really would deceeve an expert and Louie and Robber could hardly take their eyes off of it. But they did not really annoy me because I had it tied on very very tight. I mean it would be fatal if they got the diamond tiara before Dorothy and I took them shopping a lot.
   So we are all ready to go shopping this morning and Robber was here bright and early and he is in the parlor with Dorothy and we are waiting for Louie. So I left the daimond tiara on the table in the parlor so Robber could see how careless I really am with everything but Dorothy is keeping her eye on Robber. So I just heard Louie come in because I heard him kissing Robber. I mean Louie is always kissing Robber and Dorothy told Louie that if he did not stop kissing Robber, people would think that he painted batiks.
   So now I must join the others and I will put the diamond tiara in my hand bag so that Louie and Robber will feel that it is always around and we will all go shopping. And I almost have to smile when I think of Lady Francis Beekman.

May 3rd:
   Yesterday was really delightful. I mean Louie and Robber bought Dorothy and I some delightful presents. But then they began to run out of all the franks they had with them, so they began to get discouradged but just as soon as they began to get discouradged, I gave Robber my hand bag to hold while I went to the fitting room to try on a blouse. So he was cheered up quite a lot, but of course Dorothy stayed with them and kept her eye on Robber so he did not get a chance. But it really cheered him up quite a lot to even hold it.
   So after all their franks were gone, Robber said he would have to telephone to some one, so I suppose he telephoned to Lady Francis Beekman and she must have said All right because Robber left us at a place called the Cafe de la Paix because he had to go on an errand and when he came back from his errand he seemed to have quite a lot more franks. So then they took us to luncheon so that after luncheon we could go out shopping some more.
   But I am really learning quite a lot of French in spite of everything. I mean if you want delicious chicken and peas for luncheon all you have to say is “pettypas” and “pulley.” I mean French is really very easy, for instance the French use the word “sheik” for everything, while we only seem to use it for gentlemen when they seem to resemble Rudolf Valentino.
   So while we were shopping in the afternoon I saw Louie get Dorothy off in a corner and whisper to her quite a lot. So then I saw Robber get her off in a corner and whisper to her quite a lot. So when we got back to the Ritz, Dorothy told me why they whispered to her. So it seems when Louie whispered to Dorothy, Louie told Dorothy that if she would steal the diamond tiara from me and give it to him and not let his papa know, he would give her 1000 franks. Because it seems that Lady Francis Beekman has got her heart set on it and she will pay quite a lot for it because she is quite angry and when she really gets as angry as she is, she is only a woman with one idea. So if Louie could get it and his papa would not find it out, he could keep all the money for himself. So it seems that later on, when Robber was whispering to Dorothy, he was making her the same proposition for 2000 franks so that Louie would not find out and Robber could keep all the money for himself. So I really think it would be delightful if Dorothy could make some money for herself because it might make Dorothy get some ambishions. So tomorrow morning Dorothy is going to take the diamond tiara and she is going to tell Louie that she stole it and she is going to sell it to Louie. But she will make him hand over the money first and then, just as she is going to hand over the diamond tiara, I am going to walk in on them and say, “Oh there is my diamond tiara. I have been looking for it everywhere.” So then I will get it back. So then she will tell him that she might just as well keep the 1000 franks because she will steal it for him again in the afternoon. So in the afternoon she is going to sell it to Robber and I really think we will let Robber keep it. Because I am quite fond of Robber. I mean he is quite a sweet old gentleman and it is really refreshing the way he and his son love one another. Because even if it is unusual for an American to see a French gentleman always kissing his father, I really think it is refreshing and I think that we Americans would be better off if we American fathers and sons would love one another more like Louie and Robber.
   So Dorothy and I have quite a lot of delightful hand bags and stockings and handkerchiefs and scarfs and things and some quite cute models of evening gowns that are all covered with imitations of diamonds, only they do not call them “paste” when they are on a dress but they call them “diamonteys” and I really think a girl looks quite cute when she is covered all over with “diamonteys.”

May 5th:
   So yesterday morning Dorothy sold the imitation of a diamond tiara to Louie. So then we got it back. So in the afternoon we all went out to Versigh. I mean Louie and Robber were quite delighted not to go shopping any more so I suppose that Lady Francis Beekman really thinks that there is a limit to almost everything. So I took Louie for a walk at Versigh so that Dorothy would have a chance to sell it to Robber. So then she sold it to Robber. So then he put it in his pocket. But when we were coming home I got to thinking things over and I really got to thinking that an imitation of a diamond tiara was quite a good thing to have after all. I mean especially if a girl goes around a lot in Paris, with admirers who are of the French extraction. And after all, I really do not think a girl ought to encouradge Robber to steal something from two American girls who are all alone in Paris and have no gentleman to protect them. So I asked Dorothy which pocket Robber put it in, so I sat next to him in the automobile coming home and I took it out.
   So we were in quite a quaint restaurant for dinner when Robber put his hand in his pocket and then he started in to squeal once more. So it seems he had lost something, so he and Louie had one of their regular squealing and shoulder shrugging matches. But Louie told his papa that he did not steal it out of his papa’s pocket. But then Robber started in to cry to think that his son would steal something out of his own papa’s pocket. So after Dorothy and I had had about all we could stand, I told them all about it. I mean I really felt sorry for Robber so I told him not to cry any more because it was nothing but paste after all. So then I showed it to them. So then Louie and Robber looked at Dorothy and I and they really held their breath. So I suppose that most of the girls in Paris do not have such brains as we American girls.
   So after it was all over, Louie and Robber seemed to be so depressed that I really felt sorry for them. So I got an idea. So I told them that we would all go out tomorrow to the imitation of a jewelry store and they could buy another imitation of a diamond tiara to give to Lady Francis Beekman and they could get the man in the jewelry store to put on the bill that it was a hand bag and they could charge the bill to Lady Francis Beekman along with the other expenses. Because Lady Francis Beekman had never seen the real diamond tiara anyway. So Dorothy spoke up and Dorothy said that as far as Lady Francis Beekman would know about diamonds, you could nick off a piece of ice and give it to her, only it would melt. So then Robber looked at me and looked at me, and he reached over and kissed me on the forehead in a way that was really full of reverance.
   So then we had quite a delightful evening. I mean because we all seem to understand one another because, after all, Dorothy and I could really have a platonick friendship with gentlemen like Louie and Robber. I mean there seems to be something common between us, especially when we all get to thinking about Lady Francis Beekman.
   So they are going to charge Lady Francis Beekman quite a lot of money when they give her the imitation of a diamond tiara and I told Robber if she seems to complane, to ask her, if she knew that Sir Francis Beekman sent me 10 pounds worth of orchids every day while we were in London. So that would make her so angry that she would be glad to pay almost anything to get the diamond tiara.
   So when Lady Francis Beekman pays them all the money, Louie and Robber are going to give us a dinner in our honor at Ciros. So when Mr. Eisman gets here on Saturday, Dorothy and I are going to make Mr. Eisman give Louie and Robber a dinner in their honor at Ciros because of the way they helped us when we were two American girls all alone in Paris and could not even speak the French landguage.
   So Louie and Robber asked us to come to a party at their sister’s house today but Dorothy says we had better not go because it is raining and we both have brand new umbrellas that are quite cute and Dorothy says she would not think of leaving a brand new umbrella in a French lady’s hall and it is no fun to hang on to an umbrella all the time you are at a party. So we had better be on the safe side and stay away. So we called up Louie and told him we had a headache but we thanked him for all of his hospitality. Because it is the way all the French people like Louie and Robber are so hospitable to we Americans that really makes Paris so devine.
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"The Shadow Stage: A Review of the New Pictures"